of dreams gone by

have you ever felt sometimes that time just isn't enough for everything on your 'to do' list?

I turned 26 on Friday. when I was 16, I thought that by 26, I would have been happily married to the One, lived abroad, successful, comfortable life, with a cute little daughter I would call Nadia Shahira. he would be the breadwinner while I was a promising housewife. I just thought that becoming a housewife would make me a better mother for my unborn kids, and a perfect wife for my loving husband. and that was all that I needed.

by 21, I knew that my dreams of five years before were to change 180 degrees. sure I was abroad by then, but things got messy with the One in the the short time we were apart, and of course I couldn't actually go on to have Nadia alone. my dreams started to shift a bit. I met Biskut early in 2000, and in the summer something happened that was to change my life story again, turning the experience into my first full circle of life.

five years down, I'm still with Biskut, and those dreams I used to have are slowly starting to make sense again. but by now I've been thru a lot to know that they are as we call them: dreams. sure it would be nice for them to be a reality but atm, unfortunately, the glass is half empty as I see it. and altho' the sun is shining most of the time (in fact all this week it's going to be a scorcher throughout the land), I can't help but feel a little in the shadows and don a plastic smile just in case.

i'm sorry to be so melancholic, but hey, it's 1.48am, it's cool outside, silent apart from the occasional car driving by, lonely drunks walking home. Biskut is no longer a bat (I told him off yesterday afternoon coz we missed out on the hottest day of the year as he was sleeping). tomorrow's another day, and let's dream of a better one, shall we?